I'm Good and Other Lies by Bev Katz Rosenbaum

Author:Bev Katz Rosenbaum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: YAF058060 YOUNG ADULT FICTION / Social Themes / Depression YAF018060 YOUNG ADULT FICTION / Family / Parents YAF058120 YOUNG ADULT FICTION / Social Themes / Friendship
Publisher: Cormorant Books
Published: 2021-09-25T00:00:00+00:00

20

Part TWO

Lockdown

A.K.A. My Worst Nightmare

21

SUDDENLY, THERE ARE A whole bunch of hospitalizations and deaths related to COVID-19.

Public health officials start talking about how it may take school and business closures to get things under control — and something called bubbling, which means only interacting with the people you live with.

Heaven forbid. Being stuck with my parents 24/7 is pretty much my worst nightmare.

Not to mention a lockdown will kill my pending relationship with Luca — our cabin weekend’s coming up! And I have to solidify those work friendships …

It won’t happen, I tell myself firmly. Our leaders care too much about the economy — they wouldn’t want to sacrifice it, even if closing everything is the right thing to do.

But then all non-essential businesses are ordered to close.

I text Luca, Guess our trip to the cabin’s a no-go , and all he says is Ya, sucks!

Soon after that, he texts me two links — one to CAMH (the nearby Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) and another to a private rehab place just north of Toronto. I guess he forgot to send them to me till now, and I never reminded him (knowing my mom will never seek help). There’s no accompanying text with the links. And he doesn’t answer my thank-you message.

My texts to my work friends get similar, one-word responses. (“Sucks!” “Unbelievable!”)

There’s still school, I tell myself (because I can’t let myself think they’ll take that away from me too).

And then we’re told not to return from March Break.

BEFORE I BEGIN HIBERNATING at home, I finally buy those noise-canceling headphones.

It doesn’t take long for me to start feeling a constant pit of dread in my stomach. The future is now a big, uncertain blur. I feel so … unmoored. School and work were anchors for me, I realize. Shitty anchors much of the time, but anchors, nonetheless. And it’s clear I’m back to being alone, floating away toward that uncertain future, without a single person to help me sail …

NOR DOES IT TAKE long for all kinds of think pieces to appear online about who’s faring well mentally and who isn’t. It comes as absolutely no surprise whatsoever to me that the people with strong support systems are the ones doing well and the people without them aren’t.

I have no support system.

I’m sure my co-workers and Luca are as freaked out as I am, and I can’t blame them for not checking in — I never got the chance to really solidify any of those relationships. But I still can’t help feeling angry and frustrated re: their ghosting. Clearly, they all have other sources of support, but I don’t.

I MAKE MYSELF THINK of positives. At least everybody’s stuck at home — no more FOMO! I tell myself I’ll focus on my schoolwork. And immerse myself in career research. Back in December, I applied to general uni programs because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. (Other kids complain about their parents’ attempts to brainwash them.

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